- This year I will be better.
- This year I will be more organized.
- This year I will leave school at a decent time.
- This year I won't work on the weekends.
- This year I won't lose sleep over work.
- This year I will manage my stress.
- This year I will be a better mom.
- This year I will spend more time with my family.
- This year I will make time to workout regularly.
Every year I say these things, and every year...inevitably...I fail. It is only September and I can already say, unequivocally, I am failing miserably at this elusive concept of balance. Why is it so very hard for me? Why can't I get this portion of my life under control?
I have worked out zero time this school year. That's zero, one big goose egg. I have left school before 6pm exactly 4 times. One was because I had a doctor's appointment. The other three I left around 5:30pm to get my daughter to her 6pm volleyball practice. She was late to two of those three times... And I've been up there several Fridays as late as 7 or even 8. By the time the weekend rolls around I'm so exhausted I spend at least half of day asleep, catching up on all the lost hours from the week or just vegging out to let my brain have some much needed quiet time so it doesn't explode. Then there's classwork to catch up on, an inevitable kid or family activity, maybe some grocery shopping and what can barely pass as housework (that might include loading a dishwasher and making sure we have enough clean underwear for another week). Then it is the Sunday night anxiety of reviewing lessons and preparing to start all over again. So, yeah, I'm pretty much sucking it up.
There are reasons. There are excuses. Some of them are legitimate. Some of them are less so.
Excuse/Reason #1 - It's the Beginning of the Year
All teachers know the chaos that is back to school. Setting up the room. Getting into the routines. All the meetings that happen early in the year. Planning and professional development and so on. The beginning of the year can be rough. So maybe that's one reason. But...we've been in school for six weeks now. And I'm not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel where my to-do list suddenly becomes shorter.
Excuse/Reason #2 - There's Always SOOO Much To Do
Beginning of the year or not, all school year long my to-do list is my enemy. It's a revolving list that is never, ever completely accomplished. Every time I turn around I feel like there are more expectations and more things to pile on the plate, without ever really taking anything off. So every time I cross one thing off the list, five things are going on it - either they're back in the rotation or they're being piled on top. It's so defeating to never feel done, to never be caught up.
Excuse/Reason #3 - I Went Back to School
So, in the midst of all the chaos that was already my life, last summer I decided to go BACK to grad school again. This time in pursuit of my school librarian certification. Crazy, I know. But I do truly believe it will be worth it in the end. I feel led to do this and think that this path is the one I'm supposed to be on. And let's be real. My grad school work is not why I'm at school til 6pm or later every day. I don't even think about my classes while I'm at school. I can't. So all of that waits until after I get home and cook dinner and get the kids to bed and, mostly, until the weekend rolls around. So this is part of my balance issue. It certainly is taking up some of my precious time to sleep and definitely cuts into family time, but it's not directly impacting the work imbalance that I'm feeling.
Excuse/Reason #4 - My Mind = Mass Chaos
I've discussed before how I sometimes get stuck in the basements of some of my strengths like Ideation and Input. My mind is often, make that always, swimming with information and the ideas swirl around constantly. This leads me to be a bit disorganized as I jump from project to project or obsess over perfecting something that is probably fine the way it is. I struggle to accept something that I view as mediocre and have trouble asking for or even taking any kind of help. Partly because I'm always flying by the seat of my pants and don't even know what I need help with, and partly because my Responsibility really needs things done correctly and sometimes that just means doing it myself. Obviously, efficiency is not my strong point. It's something I envy so much in other teachers. I wish I could just see a task and execute - just get out of my own way!
Excuse/Reason #5 - I Talk Too Much
Ok, so I really have tried to work on this one. I do spend significant amounts of time chatting with my teammates or friends after school. Not every day, but often enough to have a significant impact on my time. Here's the deal though. I really don't know how I would function and NOT do this. This time of talking to my friends, of decompressing from the day, my brain needs that time desperately. When I don't have it, I sit in my room with all my thoughts reeling and end up being very unproductive. It's almost like this reason is my small release from pieces of reason 4. I need to process and to talk to an adult and to get all these thoughts out. Then I can focus and get some work done. It's just that, unfortunately, sometimes that decompression time takes up all the time I should have spent working...
Ok, so I've put it out there. My problem. And the reasons I've identified that it continues to be my problem. Now it's time for solutions. What can I do to mitigate my circumstances and help myself?
- Prioritize - Maybe I need two lists - "Must-Dos" and "It'd be Nice..."
- Embrace Serenity - This is so difficult for me, but maybe if I really spend some time focusing on letting go of things outside of my control, maybe I could gain some peace.
- Control the Chatter - Friends, don't judge me when I start setting timers on our conversations! I really might have to begin doing this. Provide myself the time I need to decompress a little, and then focus and get back to work.
- Just Leave It - I've got to figure out when I'm just going to walk away. Done or not done, I need to get up and leave and be with my husband and children. 5pm, that seems reasonable, right? Maybe....5:30? 🤷
Alright all you super teachers out there, I want to hear from you! Please share your secrets with me. How do you manage it all? How do you keep all the plates of your life spinning at once without letting any of them crash to the ground? How do you balance the roles of mom, wife, teacher, student, and leave a little time in there somewhere for yourself? I'm really going to work on these things, and hopefully, by putting it all out there it will help to keep me a little more accountable. But I'll take any other tips I can get, so send them my way!
💗~K.
